6 Tips for Talking to Someone with Dementia
Sharon Cantrell, MS
4 min read
When Alzheimer’s or another type of dementia is involved, having awkward or frustrating conversations can be common. It’s not for lack of concern or effort from either party. It definitely shouldn’t be taken personally. But having normal exchanges and getting helpful reactions from someone you are trying to connect with may, at times, be difficult at best since dementia interrupts the cognitive process in tricky, unexpected ways.
With that said, there are definitely ways to make talking to someone with dementia more productive and enjoyable. In the Savvy Caregiver programs we offer at Amazing Place, we practice different techniques that may be useful. Below are six evidence-based tips to help you connect with a friend or loved one impacted by dementia.
1. Meet Them Where They Are
Be sensitive to how they are feeling and what they are thinking about at that moment. Join them in the timeframe and the thoughts they are talking about. If they are talking about something in the past as if it is present, happily contribute your memories of that time. If they are asking about a loved one who has died, join them with fond memories. If they are paying attention to a pet or watching a favorite tv program, join them mentally and emotionally.
2. Be Reassuring
Dementia impacts all of the cognitive processes, not just memory, causing general confusion and anxiety. Be sure to comfort the individual by letting them know that you’re there to help them. Soothe their fears by telling them how special they are to you and that they are not alone. Assure them that you aren’t going anywhere.
3. Don't Argue with Them
Pointing out mistakes and correcting someone with dementia can cause further stress and escalate anxiety. Even if they are telling you something that you know isn’t right, try simply asking them to tell you more about it, and keep the conversation open. Agree with them and maybe even ask them to tell you more about it. Arguing with them or correcting them will not improve their confusion, memory, or reasoning and only frustrate you both more.
4. Eliminate Certain Phrases
Saying, “don’t you remember?” or “I already told you” may be a release for you, but it will ultimately serve no purpose. Also, eliminate references to time. Abstract concepts such as days of the week or hours of the day can be confusing to people with dementia. Instead of asking them what day it is, orient them with an empathetic comment such as, “what a beautiful Thursday morning in February.”
5. Redirect the Conversation
If someone is upset about something, change the subject or ask them to help you with an easy task. Once they are calm, it’s easier to get back on track.
6. Reminisce Together
Recent recall is among the first memories people with dementia lose, so longer-term memories are a comfortable place to go to enhance a conversation. Old photos, songs, asking about past accomplishments and career highlights, how they met their partner, and important items from hobbies, vacations, and family are great ways to share experiences.
Having meaningful, conflict-free conversations may mean retraining yourself through lots of practice. But don’t give up. Most likely, you will hit on several things that work better than others for your situation, or as the dementia progresses over time. Remember, you are not alone so reach out for help and resources when you need it. Most importantly, whether friend, family, or caretaker, know that your efforts to connect may be the best medicine of all.